just think.... two years from now and i'd be school free :D and so would a whole group of others in year 11 at the moment. well the other day a thought came to mind. you know one of them little things that just pop up? well anyways the prefects thingo was going around and that means that ima gonna become a year 12 soons, having that year 12 tie no other year level has, and doing those year 12 stuff you know?

well i hang around these group of guys cause thats what my whole schools about anyways. no girls just guys >_________<" so like going into year 12 means getting out of school and no more school years? and just uni or for some uni and others doing whatever? but like what happens between the groups of friends we've made you know? were they like just like people you hang during school to get school over with or like are they gonna be like you friends till after school you know?

well i asked them and bunch of fags man :L i asked them and they're like depends on what uni's we all get into. like sifff man ahahas. nahh but they're cool, i reckon i'd see them sometime yeah? cause it's me, not an awkward moment to be experience (Y) try asking that to your friends, see what they're like :D

i'm not doing too bad thanks :D so i wasn't feeling myself for some days but because of that i got to experience some things again. no i didn't go and do the things i've done again cause then if i could've then things would be different i guess, not too different though. well i didn't go back in time but in a way i did sorta? well my rooms a mess and i had to go looking for this pen i needed cause like i needed it to do work and then while doing that i came through some of the stuff that were in my room that i've had for some time, and you know how you have something and like you like it yeah? but then like you just leave it for show in your room you know? like something you really like so you leave it there so that you'll be able to see it but you don't really go through the stuff again? you know?

well i went through it and i just had this feel that i was experiencing it again you know? you start feeling that same thing you did back then when you first went through it. and like some of it i was pretty proud of too, cause some of it reminded me of the things i actually worked hard for back then and the things i went through reminded me again of how that feeling felt back then? made me smile, but i always smile though at times i don't but :D so i guess its another part of the smile i wear everyday at times.

and then it got me thinking that we are what we have done, we do stuff that defines us as us right? and though there are those bumps along the way and we stuff up but thats just something that teaches us to be better than what we did right? yeah people do remember what we've done and judge us on it but that's what they do whether we like it or not. we are always judged because judging is what give us the reminder of who we really are. i mean if there were no judgement's made then anything's that's anything would be nothing right? like if someone was really famous but there was no one to judge that he was famous then he wouldn't be famous right? get me?

whether we get judged or not its how we react to it that counts right?

i'm no perfect person and i don't think there is a person out there that's what you call perfect, cause its our imperfections that bring other people closer to us :D i looked back at that stuff and i realized that i would've been a total blockhead if i wished that i could return back then and re-do it all again. it's because of that that i guess i've gotten to know the people who were still willing to stick by me despite my imperfections, the thing's i've decided to do and yet they're still there. cause i am who i am and that respect that :D even if they had to listen to what i had to say a million times over they stood there trying to make me feel better and maybe finding a way to help me feel better no matter how stubborn i am to not listen and just fight back at them and yet they're still there just staying positive for me. good on ya buddies (YY)

and then i've always got to notice the people that were only there temporarily. the one's that would be there and when they had enough they'd leave me and go about their own troubles. even though i know that i've been a trouble for you i would still try to be there for you till whenever cause that's what friends do or whoever else i am to you. cause friend's stick by each other's side no matter what right? otherwise we'd only be called the temporaries and not friend's.

i looked at those items and i think to myself that i want it the way it was, but i know that if i did have it still then nothing would be the same as it is now. the thing's i've gotten to see and experience wouldn't have happened otherwise, but i still know that even though everything's thats happened and everything that was worked hard for has come back to what it was before then i guess it just proves to me that i hadn't worked hard to have kept it the way it was. but now i know so that means that things could be better than it was before right? but someone once said that 'agreements can't be made unless both parties agree to it'. and no i'm not saying that it's only for love but pretty much everything. you can't be friends with someone unless you both are happy with it, well everything except family cause you can't choose them, they're the people that you have to come and deal with and learn to work with them you know? :DD

"things just can't be forgotten, they can only be misplaced until found again"

i wish i could have a fortune cookie that tells me that better days are coming (YY)

anywhoos years coming to an end pretty fast and i only just notice along with a few others is that im going to be a year 12 soons. at first i thoguht woot woot, pretty cool how im gonna be school free and dont have to wake up early anymore? but like it only hit me recently that im going to be a year 12, and i have to pick the right subjects and all to be able to get into uni or tafe or where ever im going and thats going to be whole life set out right there. this one year thats going to decide my whole future. but who mad eup that idea where one year decides your whole life. i reckon its pretty stupid how one year can influence your whole life and who you want to be.

i dont know about you but i want to be a lot of things and i dont think that one year is like enough for me to be able to come all those things. like how they say you got to pass year 1 to become this and that and dedicate a few more years studying this and that but why? caus ei dont want to. i want to be like those people in hte movies where they'll be able to grow old and have like ltos of stories and tell people that oh yeah i used to be a pilot once and a doctor and a fire fighter too. its true i want to help people but id ont want to stick my whole life into one area. like wheres the fun in that? doing the same thing everyday.

well the whole year12 idea thing only hit me when my friend got recommended by a teacher to be a school prefect, to get their essay ready and yeah submit it. like i used to want to be a schoool prefect but when i look at it, the whole prefect thing has already be decided. its always those kids that get recognised in the school paper or those kids that the teachers like most and notice most. like what about us other kids that just act like just kids? where we be jsut normal and be ourselves rather than pick on teachers to be noticed or act on teachers good sides to get into the school paper or just plain attention seeking in the school. there are other kids out there that want the things those kids are going to get but will they get them? nopes i dont think so because its always the teachers choice. maybe that or maybe because im in a catholic schoool >_<" yeah maybe thats why but still. whole year to decide your whole life. i dont think thats cool at all.

i gues the reason why im also visiting my blog once more is to just say that im not all everyone thinks i am. i know i may be there for you guys and really cause i really want to be. i want to help you guys out and just see you guys smiling again because really i dont really want to be with people that are always depressed and uncool cause really i dont want anyone to be that. but im not the nice guy you guys think i am cause i have done alot of wrong. ive hurted the people i really dont want to hurt, the people that i hold close to me and that i dont want anything to happen to them. i have hurted them in many ways that i guess they can only feel and for me to only know about but not understanding the things ive done. but i do want o understand because i dont want to keep doing that. i know i have done wrong and im trying to bounce back form it. i dont want to keep doing what i did.

the things ive done and said is too late to take back now but i want to be redeemed, i want to earn your trust back and i know you're not willing to give it, but i will keep trying. but i cant change who i am, i will still be that person you hate, love or just dont want to be with cause thats me. i know i assume, i know i lie, i know i annoy, i know i dont think aobut your feelings at times, i know i get jealous but i also tell the truth, ill always try to be there for you, ill always keep trying my hardest to earn your trust back no matter hard it may be, and mostly i will try to consider your feelings before i do something. i know im a dissapointment and at times you dont want to even know me and just walk out, and i wouldnt blame you if you do but ill still be here waiting, for the better or worse.

and then thinking to yourself years later that maybe it wasnt the greatest of all the ideas you've come up with because it was something you treasured and wanted more than anything back then. then its fair to say that to those people love comes about with regret am i right? regret that you gave up something that could've been much more but because of the love of your parents that you had to let it go. or maybe because that person was in love with another and because of your love you had to let them go and find their own happiness while you suffer from within.

then im right when i say that love is everything right? it brings about joy, happiness and at times sorrow and sadness. i guess love is what you make it to be. from your deepest thoughts. if you take it to be a happy sensation then it will be, take it the other way and it could be your worse nightmare and in some people their own lives. so in my own honest opinion i reckon people should look at things the other side, the side that fits well and brings the joy and smiles to peoples face yeahs? for every coin is two sides and thus two stories of one situation :D