went to school today and the day was soo boring. slept in most lessons. well all of last lesson more like it cause the teacher just didn't care and plus he didn't have any work for us either to do so we just did anything we wanted to? i need more sleeep, could barely open up my eyes today during each lesson, except when it was lunch and recess of course. don't want to waste that time LOL
its hard always being the person that's always optimistic you know? when everyone else is having they're downs and you just feel like you can't be like them either and that its your purpose to make them happier and cheerier when it's yourself that your forgetting. that you're not really happy at all. and you think to yourself that the people around you are all sad, so you can't tell them whats wrong with you cause then it'll just make them break down even more, cause its enough that they got their own problems you know?
its when that optimistic person gets into the mood of neglecting their own problems is when other people seem to notice. and then what do they do, they blame you and confront you for all the things you want and they say they're looking out for you as a friend. but you know what buddy? i think i'd like it more if you just stayed supportive of me and just listened you know? all i want my friends to do is listen and if they can help is help with any way they can. dont go looking at me and then blaming me why im always beat up and not feeling good. because you know why? because im too worried about you guys that i seem that way. because i look out for you guys when you cant do that for yourselves. and then when you feel better and im able to have some time to look after myself what do you guys do? you blame and you confront. i mean did i do that to you? i supported you guys and all and thats what i want in return. not you telling me what i should and shouldnt do.
holidays were pretty okay i reckon. though everything until the last few days were like really really really really really really really gooood. no other word to descirbe it. cause during those days i really enjoyed it, spent it with people i wanted to, and just yeah. i felt i was all worry free and the only thing i had to worry about next was what to do next. cause for once it seemed that this holidays didnt go so fast and took it slow (yy)
things were done and they soon came out into the open. whether what was done you meant or didn't mean because you had fun, i just hoped that it was you that was the first to inform me. whether i get angry or uncool about it afterwards or not i'd still keep in mind that whatever you had done you were the first to tell me, cause it just means to me that im of some importance to you and that everything we had worked on up to this point wasn't all for nothing and that we could still open up to each other.
yeah i didnt take it well when i heard it first, and yes it still races through my mind at moments. but what really runs through my mind is that you did what you did but did you ever think of me at the time it happened? how did you think id take it? was everything you told me a lie? i jsut dont know. all i know is that everything i had felt towards you was real and that it was honest and what i really meant. i dont want to think of what you did anymore but what i really want to know is how you really feel about me? i dont want a straight answer cause it might be of impulse as what you did was also of impulse was it? i dont know.
i ask of you to think again of what you feel towards me. cause that's whats ultimately more important to me than some thing you had done. sure it hurts but what would hurt more is that everything you've told me was all a lie and that it was all untrue. i need to know cause right now im not even sure if the things i know for sure are even true anymores, im just not sure. but even if you dont feel that way anymore i jsut want you to say thanks for the experience and all the things i've learned from you. but right now i really do hope that the way you felt are still the same and that it remains unchanged as before.
meh moods of this blog seeem everywhere but heck thats what everyone has sometimes right? where everything just seems everywhere and not just in one place where you can fix it sooon.
knock knock
who's there?
spell
spell who?
W. H. O.
hahahas best joke ever aye?