anywhoos years coming to an end pretty fast and i only just notice along with a few others is that im going to be a year 12 soons. at first i thoguht woot woot, pretty cool how im gonna be school free and dont have to wake up early anymore? but like it only hit me recently that im going to be a year 12, and i have to pick the right subjects and all to be able to get into uni or tafe or where ever im going and thats going to be whole life set out right there. this one year thats going to decide my whole future. but who mad eup that idea where one year decides your whole life. i reckon its pretty stupid how one year can influence your whole life and who you want to be.

i dont know about you but i want to be a lot of things and i dont think that one year is like enough for me to be able to come all those things. like how they say you got to pass year 1 to become this and that and dedicate a few more years studying this and that but why? caus ei dont want to. i want to be like those people in hte movies where they'll be able to grow old and have like ltos of stories and tell people that oh yeah i used to be a pilot once and a doctor and a fire fighter too. its true i want to help people but id ont want to stick my whole life into one area. like wheres the fun in that? doing the same thing everyday.

well the whole year12 idea thing only hit me when my friend got recommended by a teacher to be a school prefect, to get their essay ready and yeah submit it. like i used to want to be a schoool prefect but when i look at it, the whole prefect thing has already be decided. its always those kids that get recognised in the school paper or those kids that the teachers like most and notice most. like what about us other kids that just act like just kids? where we be jsut normal and be ourselves rather than pick on teachers to be noticed or act on teachers good sides to get into the school paper or just plain attention seeking in the school. there are other kids out there that want the things those kids are going to get but will they get them? nopes i dont think so because its always the teachers choice. maybe that or maybe because im in a catholic schoool >_<" yeah maybe thats why but still. whole year to decide your whole life. i dont think thats cool at all.

i gues the reason why im also visiting my blog once more is to just say that im not all everyone thinks i am. i know i may be there for you guys and really cause i really want to be. i want to help you guys out and just see you guys smiling again because really i dont really want to be with people that are always depressed and uncool cause really i dont want anyone to be that. but im not the nice guy you guys think i am cause i have done alot of wrong. ive hurted the people i really dont want to hurt, the people that i hold close to me and that i dont want anything to happen to them. i have hurted them in many ways that i guess they can only feel and for me to only know about but not understanding the things ive done. but i do want o understand because i dont want to keep doing that. i know i have done wrong and im trying to bounce back form it. i dont want to keep doing what i did.

the things ive done and said is too late to take back now but i want to be redeemed, i want to earn your trust back and i know you're not willing to give it, but i will keep trying. but i cant change who i am, i will still be that person you hate, love or just dont want to be with cause thats me. i know i assume, i know i lie, i know i annoy, i know i dont think aobut your feelings at times, i know i get jealous but i also tell the truth, ill always try to be there for you, ill always keep trying my hardest to earn your trust back no matter hard it may be, and mostly i will try to consider your feelings before i do something. i know im a dissapointment and at times you dont want to even know me and just walk out, and i wouldnt blame you if you do but ill still be here waiting, for the better or worse.